This might not be...

This might not be finished yet...but i've been working on it sense last night, and procrastinating and doing other stuff... not been fully focusing... writing it hasn't taken long but finishing it sure has >.> well i'm going to post it now as is and edit and finish in the morning...well afternoon probably...when i wake up because i've been up all night wasting time...wasting time for what idk so i'll revise..i've been up all night doing random stuff... well here goes it plus i song i really love..seems to fit with the poem just a bit. maybe not. whatever. i don't care.

I hate myself for loving you
But to not is so devastatingly hard
And so I hate you too
I feel there’s no way for us to be
But leave you alone I just can’t you see?
I’m a kook to even have this feeling
Yet still I do and my heart is peeling
We are friends, yes it is so
That makes me not want to ever let you know
Because, if I did then you I might lose
So taking a chance isn’t something I choose
It’s probably just an infatuation
And that makes it an even dumber situation
A situation I shouldn’t even have bought
From being alone with so many stupid thoughts
I’m a fool, damn fool, to think and write all of this
Because you don’t want me, Haven't shown too much interest
But that’s just me, it is what I do
I fall for people that could never be true
I over think, and make too much of nothing
And still all the while believe I'll never find that something
But oh how I wish that the something for me were true
And I wish everyday that the something for me were you
And this be not even fetched way out from afar
Because to not love you is so devastatingly hard
And oh how I hate myself for loving you
And so, with that…I hate you too


i call that "hate to love". or maybe i call it "hate to love...you" and ok maybe it's finished... i added on the last four lines before i copied and pasted it up here... i might be finished now but I will tweak it later no doubt. woo man it gets daylight QUICK out in Cali... its only 5:30 am man.. anyway here is the song that somewhat goes with the poem. if it doesn't then who gives a flying kcuf. i like this song anyway sehctib.




good night and good morning. hope you ...enjoyed it...i guess.

R.O.A.S.T. moment #8

Lol... I feel kinda broken hearted right now. Which is funny because I shouldn't be... I'm just an idiot sometimes XD Man I haven't felt like this in a really long time... Which makes it even more stupid. Ok maybe I have... nah... Maybe once or twice... When I was a kid.. Wait what am I now... I'm not grown..definitely... Stuck in the middle XD lol...Ugh I hate this feeling. My brain is stupid. and my heart too =o XDD. Oh random thought.. I was on this forum site and got lead to this site that would give me a report on my sign.. I'm pisces...I'm not sure I buy into the whole astrology thing but They Always seem to describe me with great accuracy... This one wasn't that far off either. lol this thought just popped up in my head *damn i'm an idiot*. Man I am really down on myself sometimes...not without reason of course though.. oh uhh anywhere here's that thing and the website you can get your own from. It's free by the way..so don't go to the thing that makes u pay. thats the wrong one. go to the one where you scroll through the list at the top of the description and u choose your own sign. they try to hide it from you to trick you into paying for something. Here's that thought creeping in again - not even related to the horoscope bull crap... *damn I'm an idiot.*

Pisces

Your element: Water

Your ruling planets: Neptune

Symbol: The Fish

Your stone: Bloodstone

Life Pursuit: To avoid feeling alone and instead feel connected to others and the world at large

Vibration: Erratic Energy levels

Pisces Secret Desire: To live their dreams and turn fantasies into realities.


What's in store for your love life this month? Find out with a Jennifer Angel Love & Romance Forecast Horoscope!
Description:
Mysterious and alluring individuals, most Pisces are extremely talented, but even though they are gifted in many ways, they still manage to spend most of their lives battling "confusing" conditions. Pisces is the sign symbolised by the image of two fish. Their symbol depicts one fish heading upward, the other pulling downward. This mirrors how Pisceans are frequently torn between two pathways in life, or actually do live two very different existences at the same time.

The number 2, is a very powerful number for them. This zodiac sign is acknowledged as being the Saint and the Sinner rolled into one; the trendsetter of fashion or art, the lost soul, the philosopher and the psychotic and the visionary. As a credit to them, considering their many vulnerable characteristics; Pisceans are incredibly adaptable and resilient. They are to be found leading the field in many diverse areas of life and many Pisces can be found represented amongst top business millionaires. On the other side of the coin, prisons, reform schools and all kinds of institutions statistically hold a high number of Pisceans too.

The Piscean's inner quest to explore their "ivory tower" syndrome can lead them into some most unusual and unlikely living conditions. Of all the signs of the zodiac, Pisces are the ones who end up in the most muddles over the years of their lives. They fantasize about situations, people and particularly romance - and because they spend so much time in their own form of 'fantasy land' this can catch them short in other more worldly areas. Because of this inner world of fantasy, Pisces people seldom perceive whatever is going on around them in its true light. They see life instead as they want to see it, coloring their view of the world in hues and tones far removed from its true reflection. No wonder this is the sign of both miracles and disillusionment. If you are a Pisces, be warned your emotions are a weak spot.

One thing that plays havoc with your life is romance. When things romantically are going well for you, you are on cloud nine. When romance turns sour you land in a heap. Pisces often need to take lots of holidays (or time off) to recover from life's many diverse pressures. You are the zodiac's most sensitive sign, so you need to take extra special care of yourself. Nobody can beat you up, as much as you can beat yourself up within your own mind. In your purest form you are psychic, visionary and a guiding light to all who know you. But, in your "out of tune" state, you become depressed, obsessive and confused.

By Athena Starwoman


Link to the website:

http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_zodiac.php?sign=Pisces

R.O.A.S.T. Moment #7

You know what the very worst combination of bodily functions happens to be? Having to pee and being thirsty at the same time. Not like regular thirsty. Like... about to pass out thirsty. Heat stroke thirsty... Haven't had anything to drink since sometime a billion years ago thirsty. It's like... which one do I handle first? If I go pee my throat gets dryer and dryer by how long it takes for me to get to the bathroom, use it, flush, wash my hands, and dry em... If I get something to drink first than that adds to the problem of having to pee... I usually just endure the thirst and go pee >.> Maybe I should switch it up. I'm kinda thirsty right now but teh bladders also kinda full >.> How does that happen???? I haven't had anything to drink since... Well actually I haven't... I had a Popsicle though =o! That explains the thirst...but the need to pee? Well I don't feel like getting into a conversation about how the digestive system works >.> wait... not a conversation... a rant... or ramble... idk... I know its not a conversation though because that involves more than one person =o

XD

<333

From Babylon to Timbuktu, I'm wishing...

"I wish I could change how the world see's and portrays African Americans. sometimes its different and we all aren't portrayed a certain way...but sometimes its just a shame and frankly embarrassing... and people don't separate that... they see all black people in just that one way, when in reality that's just a few. and for some of us its glamorized to be that way. It's a shame and I wish it wasn't...but it doesn't seem to be something we can really change.. I wish that we knew where we came from... Our history and who we really are has been hidden from us for so long... Ask any person where they came from... they would say Africa. Africa is a continent. They couldn't tell you where in Africa it is that they were from... It's just sad.. and though I say this... I still don't know myself... I need to know.. and I'm going to find out... I just wish there were more of us that wanted to know and find out... that didn't want to be a stereotype..." I wrote that as a post to a topic on TFS in the 'rants and raves' section and thought I'd like to continue the thought. If it wasn't for Person I'd have never thought about it and i wouldn't have ever been writing this post in the first place. I mean I've always thought about how we were seen and how I wish that I could change it but I'd never thought about where I really came from x3 and If you'd asked me even just a few months ago I would most definitely have said Africa. ...Ya know I'm glad that I know Person...sure do learn a lot from him! Learn a little bit more about myself too... Person explained to me many things about where we come from, that I, myself chose to believe. But when I tried to show my brother a new thought, he claimed that I believed everything Person told me and that what he said was not true. Here is where I disagree. I choose to believe what I want because .. its what I want to believe in. I don't want to be made to believe that I have no purpose. And I don't want to have my history taken away from me. And there is accountable information about this too, which I am going to be looking more into on my own. Oh and for the record there may be a book written and filled to a million pages of the things person says that I don't agree with or believe in. But when I mention out loud the few things that I do believe, I get labeled to not have an original thought or bone in my body. I just wish that my brother and others would hear this side and look into it for themselves too. It's a book called "From Babylon to Timbuktu" and it's not at all long either - check out its information on Amazon.com ... Its just that... its really obvious that we've been made to believe that we have no purpose. Everything about us has become hidden and almost nobody wants to uncover it. We were made to be so ignorant... it was taught to us that reading was bad and we shouldn't do it and now there's a stigma around it and not too many people are into reading.... OK I'm done with this rant and ramble... i started it like an hour or two ago and keep getting distracted so I've lost my train of thought and don't care too much to get back on it.

I'm sorry yall!

I've been so selfish... Never posting anything of mine on this blog... Ok maybe I did once or thrice... But I've been posting it on the forum site, and plugging my link to the blog... And really I didn't want the first thing people to see to be the exact same thing they see from me on the forum site... But... I figure I might as well... If someone from the forum site checks the blog out then they should go to the archive and see some other posts... Ok well all selfishness aside... Here's something I just wrote that I really want to share on my blog. I call it ~An Endless Love~!

I don't know how it happened
Let alone even when
Just... only that it did
Maybe I Was walking though the park one day
And noticed all the beauty God put here on earth
Maybe it just really inspired me to find a way to express it
Express Myself
Express My Feelings
My mind and my soul
Or maybe it was just in me since day one
Like the blood in my veins coursing throughout my body
Handed down through one special gene
Maybe from my mother?
Handed down by God, through her, to me
Through her anthology I'd read when I was a small child
I saw how truly great she was
She had such a way with words, and now she's gifted that to me
A gift I've taken with love, and passion
It's so strong that it cause my love for anything artistic, and creative
To just grow..and grow and grow... endlessly
Who's to know what truly strikes this fire in me
But whatever it was I'm so very glad that it happened
That I've even been given the chance to be able express myself at all
Because what a sad life it would be if I couldn't
I'm really glad... That I fell in love with the pen.

And that's real...

Just though I would share this video. Really important message. Shows we all really have quite a bit of changing to do. Well...enjoy the video =o

R.o.a.s.t. moment # 6

Yay for perms =o! My head has been livin in napville for a while man... So I took out my braids.. and that kinda made it worse. Foreal though, I haven't had a perm in 6 months... And I haven't had a good perm in... ever... lol. So we went to LA yesterday... I think the place we found was on Slauson... Well man could this lady hook a sista up or WHAT??? I'll have to find her card and put the info up here later for the folks that are in Cali right now and need a hook up... This lady was tight though... My hair feels so weird though... it's all soft and it moves.. the wind can actually blow it =O!! It has officially left chocolate city and entered vanilla village! Check out the pic homies.

Something... I guess =o

Kind of forgot why I was writing this post but I decided to do so anyhow... Well I thought it was going to be about how I'm feeling right now. But... I guess I'm just feelin' fine... Hence the change of headline on my forum site profile. For a short moment I wasn't feeling to great if you can believe that. And it was just stupid stuff. And I knew it was stupid stuff too. Made me think I was a nut for even worrying and thinking of this stupid stuff - but, hey.. I'm human. I make mistakes =/ We all do... Nobody's perfect... "To err is human; to forgive, infrequent". Says a man who's name is unfamiliar with me at the moment but probably will come back around in a sec, named Franklin Adams. Oh I just googled him. Pretty interesting fellow. Might have to look up some of his work later. Also need to go to the library D= ... stimulate my mind. Also need to find the book, from Babylon to Timbuktu that a friend told me to read, so I can get a bit more information about my history, and where I really come from. Discover a bit of who I really am. I think that's really what I need though... Help get rid of this lost and purposeless feeling. I feel comfortable saying this to complete strangers that I don't talk to and probably will never meet. That's so weird. I don't feel this comfortable talking to close family like this. Especially in my immediate household. And I feel a bit more comfortable talking about things on a larger scale with close friends. But then there is still this one part of me that won't even talk about things like this with friends, even. I only recently opened up a small bit and told a close friend of mine what I really felt like I wanted to do with my life and she was supportive =o! Surprised me a bit because to me it was just a pipe dream. One that I can barely make myself put to life. That's another thing that's been affecting how I've been feeling lately. I mean... The majority of it was superficial. Stuff that people usually tend to go through around my age anyway. And I thought I was just being crazy for worrying about these things. But I've realized that sometimes I have the tendency to separate myself from people my age which isn't really a good thing at all. Yes I still consider myself a child, I am not grown nor am I even close to it. But... even still I find myself seeing them in a different group... And when I try to figure out what group I am in... It's just me standing here by myself. So yeah that kinda sucks. Stuff like that's just been driving me mad, but it's whatever ya know. Stuff other folks go through day to day, I'm no different. But then what's also been bugging me is my future. I still can't see where I am headed...and I can't hang on to a pipe dream, especially when I can't find a way to put it to life. Oh yeah that was also bugging me, not being able to put this dream to life. It's really important to me, but I just don't feel like I'm trying my hardest. And I don't know how. But no one can help me. And no one I know will understand... or even say anything that will help me. And the few I have tried talking to... don't have much to say. So I'm stuck. Impasse... I guess. Got to figure out how to get myself where I need to go. But basically right now... I'm good man... It's like... I don't even care anymore. I'm feelin fine and the bull ain't buggin me. That's it...

Alicia Keys

"Nobody Not Really (Interlude)"

Who really cares?
When I talk?
What I feel?
What I say?
Nobody, not really
Who wants to take
The time to understand?
I would like
Someone to heal me with some empathy
But I can't find
Nobody, not really
Maybe I'm invisible to the world
Does anyone on the world even think of me
As more than just a hopeless cause
Maybe the world is not my block
My stoop
My life, my dreams
My anything
So, who wants to help?
Momma but she's so tired
Papa but you're not here
I'm alone in a big empty space with
Nobody, not really

And I wonder...

Dang man...
What is up with me?
Seems like I'm taking that not so giant leap into the land of insanity.
Point of no return?

brink

There is this person that I just can't figure out.
The self sabotager.
The constant screw up.
The person that is on the brink, about to tip over into the land of insanity...
That person just can't leave me alone.
That person is so confused...
That person has no self confidence.. and a really low self worth...
That person is just oh, SO annoying.
That person feels everything is their fault
But of whom can the fault be? It can't always be everyone else...
Always doing the wrong thing.
That person is an idiot.
That person's constant idiocy is the reason they feel so alone
The self sabotager.
The constant screw up.
The person that is on the brink, about to tip over into the land of insanity...
.... Is me...
Cornered inside a cosmos of befuddlement...
It is not known where I correlate.

Silly Thoughts...

You know, I have just always wondered.. That if people were feeling a void in their lives... Does it necessarily have to be filled for them to be truly happy? Personally, I do not believe that is true. What I believe is that... You shouldn't rely on outside things to make you happy =/ That's no way to achieve true happiness.. well for one because these outside things that make you happy... could be gone within the blink of an eye. And then you aren't happy any more. Now...is that considered to be a false happiness? Who knows... But I Think we should take a lesson from the great... Tucan Sam.... Follow Your Nose, Wherever it goes. That doesn't have to be taken with the obvious meaning either. By the way, I hate fruit loops. With a strong, fiery passion.

r.oa.s.t. moment #5

space filler.. just felt like making this blog... idk.. just because... so uh... the onion... its very funny... you should go check it out... go to youtube and type in the onion.. you should even subscribe to their channel..they are hilarious ya know... Thats it for now...

That which sets her free...

This was on my mind... that I am... I dunno what I am... I'm a human. Who's wondering why I'm writing this blog and why i started it the way I did. Well part of me this human that I am... feels like all of myself just... revolves... around my family... It's not a great feeling to be honest... This human that I am.. just wants some part of herself to be hers... just for her.. not to be shared with anyone so close and intimate with her... You know like a diary. But doesn't it seem like diaries always get read but someone one way or another whether you want them to read it or not? Well in this human's life it always did. What if there was a diary that was all yours, no one else having anything to do with it... or even knowing about it.. You couldm't keep a thing like that on paper... And yet you still want someone to read this diary. Someone that isn't remotely close to you. Am I making any sense here? I think not but still... That diary that I speak of is a blog.. yes, I have one, and to the best of my knowledge people close to me don't know about it, or have never seen it. I hope that is the case because there are some things that you just don't want to give to everyone. You don't want to share everything, you just want to be allowed to be a bit selfish for once. Like when I had a myspace... that was special for me because it was something that i didnt have to share, even if my dad still got onto his little thing and read every word I typed. It was alright for me because I wasn't doing anything I wasn't supposed to do. But what wasn't alright for me was when he would repeat stuff back to me like it was a conversation we'd had together. That disgusted me so much. There were no boundaries at all. No privacy. So after awhile I just deleted my account, causing me to lose contact with my old friends. But you, reading this, whoever you are, cannot say that it would not deeply disturb you either, can you? Am I tripping? I mean am I not even to be allowed the illusion of privacy??? I understand that parents have to do their thing, and make sure their child is safe and ALL of that. But that goes beyond just making sure your child is safe, especially when you have assurance and proof that your child won't do anything she isn't supposed to do. She's not the same as your other child, and you'd understand that...right? So what would be the point of just reading it everyday? Just to have something to do??? And then repeating it to your child like it is something your child confided to you about and wants to speak with you about. I understand that you'd want to be close to your child and have common ground, but don't do that. If it was something they wanted to share with you they would have shared it with you. You can't force them!! How about just having a normal conversation with a child about anything but whatever it was. To me it's just annoying and nosy. Not being able to have just one piece of yourself that belongs to only yourself...So basically... After getting off topic for so long... I guess what I wanted to say... and I hope this is understood, very well... that I have a blog. That blog is for people to read. Strangers. but not people close to me. To the best of my knowledge it has not been read by anyone close to me, and I would like to keep it that way. You don't understand what it's like to feel like you don't have anything that is just.. you... all you... all your space and privacy is non existent... And it's a cliche because every teenager feels that way. But it doesn't go as far with every teenager. Every teenager doesn't go through the crazy non stop monthly drama because of a crazy sister...and still not being able to have a piece of herself to herself. It's not even that. I understand that parents have the right to snoop. But snooping just to gain common ground? That really bugs me... If you want to gain common ground with your child why can you not just talk to your child personally, instead of finding out their true feelings through some program and bombarding them with personal questions as if they'd personally spoken to you about it. What would even be the point of the child having that thing where they could be themselves on?? I don't even know if i'm making any sense here... And I know I've long since strayed off topic...I just got interrupted by my brother while I was in the zone and now I've lost my train of thought. The worst thing about this is that the child... doesn't even feel that she can come to you and talk about how she's feeling... Feeling as though she won't be heard out. Being sure that she won't be heard out. That none of her feelings will be taken into account and it will end with her getting yelled at for even having those feelings. Being sure it will end that way because it always does when her feelings aren't the same as theres. Her's are always wrong. wrong wrong wrong. What person wants to feel like that? which is why she doesn't talk to the parents about her feelings...which is why she vents and even has a blog... Aahhh... That which sets her free... feels better afterwards... I've been feelin this stuff for a while.. woow.. I guess the point is.. this is obviously directed at my parents...so if you ever ever ever read this blog. I can't stop you from doing it but I can express my wish that you don't because it is mine, only mine and it would hurt badly to have something else taken from me...Not having anything to myself... why I choose to blog about this now I don't know... it is long since over due... and right now to the best of my knowledge, it isn't even relevant anymore.... sooo anyway I guess my point is that if you come across this blog and read it... Please know I don't want you to, not because I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do, I'm not... but because this is personal... And I really need a piece of myself to only belong to me...

R.O.A.S.T. MOMENT #4

This one won't be so long... I dunno why but I'm actually a bit excited to be moving again... either that or I just don't care... i'm leanin towards the latter though...and it's not buggin me... I'm starting not to care about a lot of stuff... Lets just forget the fact that every move is supposed to be "the last one"... That's not bugging me either...What's with this new attitude of mine? I feel kinda... done... I've felt like that before but I made myself feel like that.. Told myself "stop caring"... This right here....sprung itself up on me >__> sucks..or does it...? Man what eva I don't give nmad.. OH yeah.. Another contribute to this roasting...

...sdrawkcab etirw ot ekil I

Can you read that?

Post what it says in a comment, and write your own backwards phrase, or sentence.. or word.. whatever the lleh you feel like typing backwards...

hmm... afterthought.. yeah I think i'd prefer to call them roast moments.. that just fits so much better... dont jack my tihs alright?

R.O.A.S.T. of the Moment #3

Woooooo! Bloggin time baby babeh!!!
Welll this roast is about me moving =D
I've moved so much in my lifetime.. My whole family counting before I was born I would say over 20 times... And each move is the last move... Like when we moved to this place in Alabama... I pretty much new that place wasn't gonna stick though but i loved my room... Even though the house was starting to bug me after awhile. Well it is very hard to get jobs in alabama, anywhere that we are at... None of the hospitals are hiring and the ones that are, only have 1 spot... and it's hard back in Georgia too... Stupid recession. But Tampa has an abundance... Plus I was born there... So if a job comes through in Tampa we are most definitely moving there... It's also good, because there is an Air Force Base there for my brother... He just got sworn in. So yeah.. I've never been so happy to move.. Well, that's kind of an overstatement. I'm not exactly happy... But I'm not unhappy about it either... I don't really care but I'd prefer to be living in Tampa. We are only a short time away from my old friends in Orlando... That I haven't seen in 3+ years And some I haven't spoken to... Actually, that reminds me that I should text Aubrie... Now that girl is a true friend... Truer than I'd have thought possible =o I'm glad I will be back there soon...Back to my birthplace... woow. Back to my old friends... Better college opportunities in florida.. better job opportunities.. I think this is the place to be. I'm glad I'm going bak =o

R.O.A.S.T. of the Moment #2

My friend tells me this.. That when he was younger watching Aladdin... He listened to the words of what the guy was saying and it creeped him out... Told me I would get a kick out of it. At first I don't even recall what the hell he's talkin about, then I remember the beginning and tell him that when I was little I didn't focus on the things like that like he did... Our childhoods were completely different, him and I... Sometimes seem like (don't take this with the obvious meaning and say duh and leave a mean comment, think about it for a minute) Well it seems like we are just two entirely different people on completely different pages... from totally different planets... Yet in some ways, I see that we are very alike o_o. It's just so funny to me... Man we grew up so differently... Wonderful person, really though.. Well anywho's this is what I tells em... I says to him I says .. "I think I remember what you are talking about but I don't remember it all... Nor do I remember focusing on it." He says to me he says "Awww D=" lol... I love how I'm talkin right now.. But i'll stop though... Well he says awww (oops done it again) then I said I didn't do stuff like that when I was a kid... I just focused on the 'magic'. He said he always focused on things like that.. the serious stuff i guess? Deeper meanings? I didn't get like that til I got a bit older... then he asked Really, as in was that really what I focused on.. and before getting a response he said "That is awesome =o!" I'm wonderin why or how.. and still am... But first I'm wonderin what and he tells me he meant about the magic.... And then I say "I mean not like magic... as in magic is real... that i knew... I never really believed in stuff like that... I don't remember ever believing in a santa claus except for around the time my mom went blind.. he was probably laughing on is high horse, "oh now you want me"... I just went a long with it for the sake of my mom... but after a while i got tired of it, and thought she'd be ok with it since I was getting a bit older =3 but Anyway when I was a kid... it was just the wonder of it all... amazement I guess... just the fact that stuff was happening Iduunnooooo... It wasn't the type of magic... like that harry potter bully that i think of when i hear the word... huh... dunno how to define.. ehh whatever nevermind..." So there ya go... Thats just me givin out a little piece of myself... And that is the R.O.A.S.T. of the moment =D ... If you did not catch the other blog and don't know what I even mean by R.O.A.S.T. look it up in me archive, its the one right before this one homey...

R.O.A.S.T.

This blog right here is proof that I coined the term... not that it will go anywhere but if anyone uses it after me they'll know where it came from >.>

R.O.A.S.T. - the act of Rambling On About Stupid Things.
Ex. Man she was so roasting last night
Oh man I was so bored I just roasted all day
Dude you're such a roaster. You suck.

R.O.A.S.T. may be a daily thing from me from now on or it may be an hourly or minutely thing.. Just... whenever I feel I have something to R.O.A.S.T. about.

Dun Duh Dun Duhhhhh! R.O.A.S.T. number one.

I'm watching Lion King 2: Simba's Pride right now and I realize that Simba's singing voice in this movie is so intolerable. I'm sure that he sounded way better singing as an adult in the first lion king movie. But in this second movie he sings, and sounds as though he is a rich, uppity old man. "Filled with Hope and filled with Priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide" Man go check out the movie. His voice is just so dry. I hate it =o Honestly. But even though his singing voice isn't the same actor as his speaking voice... It honestly sounds reasonable, like it could have been Matthew Broderick singing... Which in all honesty is a damn shame. That mans voice makes me want to stab myself in the ears. Its not that he is typically a bad singer... It's just that his voice is so darn aggravating.

Well, there you have it... The first R.O.A.S.T. of the Moment... (I think that's what I'd like to call it.) I'll keep it coming.

Thanks for reading for whoever actually does read this garbage =D

Twisted Sista's

Man this dude is such a talented artist I just had to spread his work around, get it even more seen. Anybody who see's this, let me know if you have seen these pictures before =o His name is Jeffrey Thomas. He calls the style Deviant Art I believe. And the name of the selection I'm about to show you is called Twisted Princesses.

My favorite is Jasmine. Aside from the fact that I loved Aladdin, Jasmine's picture was the best of the bunch. Next After that I would say Belle.. There is something about Twisted Cinderella that is calling to me. I dunno about what. At first I thought it was just creeping me out but that wasn't it. And it's trying to pull something up out of my memory that doesn't want to come. Oh and I don't know what the heck he was thinking with little Mermaid.. Oooo! A fork for an arm!! Scary!!

Woo boy.

I haven't blogged in a bit. But I've got like 50 posts on here so that should be enough to keep the readers satisfied. Hah just kidding. I know it's got to be fresh and junk. Well I started working on my mother's day gift May 2nd.. finished it by then end of the day... Then Yesterday around 2 am I emailed it to her a long with a poem I'd wrote for the occasion. She loved it and it made her cry. I really do not like the word poem. It seems wimpish and silly. I'm going to make a list later of all the words I do not like. My take a while though because of how inconvenient my memory is. Oh yeah and apparently it's photographic according to doc person. Oh and by the way. I had to send the gift through email because my parents are in California. They've been there for the past month and a half or so. And on wednesday my brother and I are going back to join them and our new puppy(s). I'm going to swim. A lot. Because for the longest I've been feeling like a fish out of water (take that with whatever meaning you want) And I need to swim to get rid of that feeling. Apparently my folks have a bunch of other fun stuff planned to do. And we wanted my cousin to join us but he is afraid of living. (You can also take that with whatever meaning you want.) But ahh well, the less people my folks have to pay for, then the more stuff we get to do. Oh and my puppy Dakota, has taken over my room at the most awesome hotel in the world that we about to live in. Ok let me tell you a bit about Dakota. My parents just got her on May second or third. She was born in March (YAY I've got another Pisces back in the family!) On the 9th I think... Well anyway she is just shy of 8 weeks old. She is a golden retriever. So, she is obviously extremely smart, friendly, playful, and obdedient... =D
Well anyway, she's a fast runner.. My dad is was an athlete and is still very strong, and she was racing him down the block at the hotel where my parents are living right now. She already knows how to fetch too =o . Didn't even need to be taught like thos small brained rat dogs we always have. (btw my mom is gettin another one of those too.. a Papillon.. then we might be gettin a Lab before we leave, hopefully) Well she is smart enough to know when to listen. She knows her commands, and she doesnt 'go' in the hotel room. She knows not to go into my parents' bedroom.. Omg this lil pup is such a smarty =o Oh yeah and when my parents leave her alone in the hotel, if they leave her out of her crate then she'll just roam the place, then walk up to my future room...chill in there, sometimes under the bed. If they leave her in the crate she'll cry, unless leave music on for her next to the crate. Haven't even met her yet and I already adore this little pup =o! Cute story: My mom was on her laptop and Dakota had the cord in her mouth. My mom was all upset saying dakota put it back leave it alone. Frantic and waving her arms And Dakota stood there looking at her LOL Then she actually spit it out when my Dad said Dakota NO. LOL So she doesn't understand hysteria =P but she's still a lovely little thing =] Ohkay now lemme tell you about the hotel. ITS AWESOME its got a heated pool, basketball court, tennis court, gym.. and they FEED YOU!!! Every morning there is breakfast with everything but bacon.. That might have been because of the swine flu. And on certain days of the week they serve cheese and crackers, at night. On wednesdays they serve barbecue.. and another day there are tacos or some mess.. and its all FREEE!!!! And the hotel is right near the beach, and all the stores and everything, you can walk to them =D But they don't want you to walk =o they have this shuttle that will take you anywhere you need to go within 5 miles, and when you're done you call them back and they come pick you up. FOR FREE!!! Oh yeah and my parents moved their hotel to oxnard so we've got a walmart in cali finally!! Last time we were in lame as heck carpinteria. and had to drive all the way out to oxnard just to go to walmart. so we didn't get to go that often.. Mostly when my mom need to pay on her phone, cuz sprint is right next to walmart... oh and my parents got a new car... and they are gettin an SUV too... Oh yeah and my parents upgraded their hotel room to the penthouse room ... not to sure what that is... pardon my ignorance.. but they are on top instead of gettin stomped on by spoiled rich kids... All because they have triple A XDDDD I should marry triple A to show my gratitude.. =o So now they have the room on top which actually has stairs in it, and goes up to a loft, bedroom thing.. has no door though.. And that bedroom will be mine... and Dakota's too because she's taken a liking to it XD That little thing is so adorable I need to post pictures... I have a bunch but i'll just post one. Oh yeah and the loft thing has a balcony.. And the hotel rooms have kitchens and living rooms.. So it's like living in an apartment again except better than that one in carpinteria, where I slept on an air mattress and I might as well had been sleeping on the floor... it was air man that was not comfortable.. And I sunk through sometimes... And my elbows would hit the floor... Then I decided to sleep in the blue chair but it gave me body pains.. So I dealt... Until dorian left, then i got the second bed in my sisters room.. which I was a little wary of the stuff I heard them doing in there D= grossocity dude. Ohkays well anyway I'll post up pics of Dakota in just a sec.

There's the darling =]

Dreams again

Dream 2
May 07, 2009
At 2:58 pm


Tootie and I had to leave the house for something... and we were homeless...And while we were walking she saw jr coming up behind us... i couldn't see him... i have bad vision even in my dreams i guess. And tootie kept sayin how hungry she was and i saw this old broke down building and said hey thats mcdonals go get somethin to drink for free. She was like nah cuz I already have this, and she shook her water bottle in her hand, then changed her mind and said yeah I guess it would help a little. And when we stopped jr picked up the pace, hitching his pants and running toward us… I think he was on the phone, and I remember he’d changed his clothes. Then we walked in and the busted up building actually was somehow a mcdonalds but I was afraid to get in line and get something to drink. Then something happened that tootie got mixed up in. And we had to look for people and collect money for this guy who turned out to be a faery. Tootie and jr didn’t know that I could see them and I told them I could my whole life. But we couldn’t let anyone know or something bad would happen. So we’d be collecting money, and everytime we saw a faery we would kill it.. We were at a museum with tootie and looking for something historical idk what. We were also in a place with rooms once, I think after we left the museum. I’m not sure it was a museum. I called it something else in the dream and then said if it was a Museum, or something else we would have to pay to get in and we wouldn’t be able to do our job Then something happened with tootie and she had to leave, and even though she was the one who had to be collecting money jr and I had to finish it for her and collecting money and killing faeries. We also looked in some forest like place. At some point I was not able to see the faeries through their glamour until a lady flashed a light on one and we said wait, took the light, shined it directly on her, saw she was really a faery and murdered her. Then the guy who we owed money too was coming after us. We were escaping him and we were also giving bits of money or something. Maybe receiving warnings. I don’t remember. But daddy came in too at one point. I think when we were in the forest. I know we were running and hiding in the forest. And then I scared the guy I owed money too but jumping onto the bamboo sticks and holdin on and flying to other ones. Some parts had bamboo or trees and some parts had regular trees. Then we got a calculator and looked at the chart of the money we’d collected and hurried up to count it but it wasn’t going so smoothly. But the money numbers looked enough though it didn’t feel enough. I think we owed 50 million or 4 million. But either way he took the money. Then I woke up =/ There are more parts, lots more, that are vaguely there in my mind, but typing them out wouldn’t make sense because I wouldn’t be able to complete the thoughts… man I love movies in my head. By the way, the faeries I describe are not the cute smalll winged flying kind. They are hideous people sized beasts, sometimes with wings, and they look TERRIFYING each in their own different ways. They are terrifying and beautiful at the same time.