Insight?

"man... you know me, brie. do you even have to ask? XD i'm just an utter disaster. I ruin everything. It's happened several times with you... And at the drop of a hat I'm ready to ditch everything and everyone and be on my own agaaain... which happens to suck but I can't hurt anyone that way."

portion of a conversation. between a close friend... and i. about..stuff.

guess who's quote that is..

Somethin' New.

So... I made a tumblr account. Don't think of this as me betraying you, blogger. I'll continue to post on you about as much as I do now, which isn't really saying anything... Dunno how that tumblr thing is going to hold up, though. Just felt like having a change of scenery in websites, I guess.

On another note... mm... nothing. There's too much to say and no reason to say it. I apololie for the lack of interesting material.

Apololie; that means I really don't care...

Guess this will be all for now. Don't want to make the post even more boring by rambling. I'll come back when[if*] I have something interesting to say, or just to courtesy post so you don't appear too TOO neglected, blogger.

Later, homieGyo.

Silence.[read this. go on, it's ok] ;)

No matter what kind you're apart of, friendship...relationship, either way, you're supposed to enjoy it to the fullest, through all ups, downs, ins and outs. No matter what. If it's true, you work through it. You have to stop being so defensive and sensitive, because life is too short for all that. Choose your battles and keep it moving.-Samantha Nicole Wilson via someone else

These wise words from some random person I don't know made me realize how incredibly defensive and sensitive I am... Life is really all too short for that. One more mistake like the one I just made and he might be gone...but all I could say for that is,

"Oh well.... that's me. Take or leave it."

Through a misunderstanding I might have just really hurt the feelings of some i really care about. All I do is make mistakes...but I'm not going to sit and cry about it... I'm too used to it... I'm sick and tired of hating who I am and trying to change every detail and aspect about me! Mostly, 'cause it never DAMN works. lmao... Best way for me to NOT hurt people is silence. It's golden. Yes, I'm that much of a disaster. I've been trying to watch what I say and do, but the shit doesn't work 'cause I'm always doing something wrong so... I choose silence :) Except for when it comes to somebody disrespecting me. I'm getting tired of that shit, and there will be no silence when it comes to that. Someone will get a mouthful and if it comes to it, a fist full. I don't even care anymore. In that respect, I'm not always going to be watching out for people and making sure I don't hurt them even though they've already hurt me. And I'm sick and fucking tired of people thinking they know me so well...

you may know me better than anybody else but you don't know me as well as I do.

This post seems to have taken a different turn... but back to the main focus... life is too short to be catching feelings. I'm done! Again... hopefully this will last. I'ma do my best to stop getting so defensive over everything...and stop being so sensitive, assuming angry words are directed at me...even if they REALLY REALLY REALLY sound like they're directed at me....

from now on, it only matters if you say it to me, personally....

so if your feelings are hurt, and you want to get a message across...fuck it 'cause I'm closing my eyes to it until you say something to me. The only lines I'll be reading between are going to be in an actual book from this day...'cause if you don't do it right, that shit gets you into trouble :D

I've realized I've already begun detaching myself from certain things interrupting my life... starting not to care so much. Mostly the drama. You know? But if I've already started, the rest will be a hell of a lot easier.

Withdraaww.. .

"It's just twiiiims, baby..."

uploaded this picture that took me roughly two or three days >.> disclaimer* I am not an artist. I suck. lol. But I watched orphan and it made me want to paint. So, I went and got some painting supplies! I wanted to paint something from my own brain, which i have a hard time doing, sometimes... so, later on I remembered this funky dream I had and decided to draw the characters. it's not complete, because I have to paint it. I just wanted to have a record of what it was like before I painted it in case I ruined it xD don't ask about the twims thing... it's just what one of 'em said in the dream for some reason... their clothing was sort of like beatniks in the dream... so they've got their hats, 'cept for baldy over there... and their bodies, the center floaty parts, are going to be painted black... is painting really a good idea, or should I color pencil this one up? I'm thinking color pencils...and if I wanna paint it, I can redo it later....

ok, cool, daddy-o

.

wants to be a beatnik.

What Do Women Want?

I was watching saved by the bell, and Zack had to do a scientific study so he could skip his anthropology class for a semester and get a B. But, I think he was going about it all wrong. He was pretty much just getting all the girls phone numbers and spying on them... but what he has to do is answer the question: What do women want? And he has to answer it by Friday.

Well, for one thing... I don't think there is any specific thing that women want. Everyone wants something different, agree? And sometimes we want more than just one thing! But if you have to have a general and specific answer...wouldn't it be easiest to go to all of the women you're going to interview, ask them what they want THEMSELVES, not what ALL women want? And, after you're done interviewing, you look at all the answers and take out the things that are common? You know, similar to all the other answers? Then you have your general generic answer...and you know "what women want"... This episode could be so easy for Zack, but then again, that's never any fun...or interesting.

In television and movies, they always have to do things the hard way.

So, anyway.... if anyone is reading this... What do YOU think women want? If you're a woman, what do you want for yourself? I don't want to leave out the men, though... guys, what do you want for yourselves, as well? Both: What's it going to take to get it? How hard will you have to work? Are you willing?

Who wants to know Zack's conclusion?...if you haven't seen that episode, that is...

make of it what you will

just realizing how physical of a being i am. don't feel like going into detail about it.

work work work

Kinda thinking i wasn't built to play the guitar. It's something i really want to do, but I'm not getting it. I just have to keep practicing and trying, though. Or else I'll never get anywhere. I'm just really terrible at teaching things to myself, and time has proven to me that i do better with an actual instructor, not youtube videos, cd's or computer programs.... the only thing i was actually able to learn online was those stupid friendship bracelets. silly to say the least, because i'm no good with my hands! that"s why the guitar is super sucky for me. kinda foolish for me to try and pick this up...i lack the speed, accuracy, patience and coordination for this instrument. not going to give up, at least. at least i have some sort of determination. going to try on my own for as long as i can, the beg for lessons. christmas is coming up soon ;) if that doesn't work, there is always my birthday!.........next year :( ahh well...better get back to sucking. at least i might be able to play the clarinet again. only problem with that is that i have no rhythm. musical instruments are not for me, but i wish they were. i dunno how to phrase it. i just think it's wonderful to be able to play music or sing. and even more wonderful to do both. even if you aren't the best at it. just wish i had that gift. those who don't can learn right? what if you are unable to learn!!!!!!!!!!? i need a personal instructor.

Quoted

Compassion is like a sense of caring, of concern for others’ difficulties and pain. Not only family and friends, but all other people, even enemies. If we think only of ourselves and forget about other people, our minds occupy a very small area and even tiny problems appear very big. When you develop concern for others, your mind automatically widens; your own problems, even big ones, will not be so significant. - Dalai Lama

...but what if-STFU!

kinda want to delete all my old friends from past school's on facebook..not all of them...just the ones i was closest too... how to make this not sound petty, jealous, or childish... well, i can't.. i feel hurt sometimes... i've gotten so distanced from my best friends from having to move all the time... i tried keeping in contact, but..well..i was forgotten...now there is the wonderful world that is facebook...and i see my old 'closest' friends together... having fun..me wishing i was there to share the moments...and absolutely certain that none of them have ever spared a second thought about me... or else we'd still be in touch :/ i miss them. but i realize it's stupid. as i look back i can pinpoint the moments that just proved we weren't going to be 'friends forever' or were hardly even friends back then... not real friends, at least.. just an illusion, unfortunately =/ but the main reason why it's so stupid to be looking back missing these half friendships is because now i have...real ones...whole ones..better ones...and i'm not letting them go for anything. there are no what ifs. not for this particular situation...

Re-do?

Should I do something new with my blog layout? Sorry, but even if I do, it's going to involve butterflies. I love them! ^.^ But, I think this is getting pretty old. When I get to feeling up to it, I'll work something out =o I edited my profile...might as well edit dear ol' bloggy XD

Movie Tears... and Sinister End-Laughter.

It's pretty clear that the amount I that I make a post has greatly decreased since when I first started. Just check the archive. But I am determined to post at least once per month. I visited and just noticed that I'm still on June over there, but It's already July. Wonder what I should post this month.... Just think of this as a filler post. I couldn't bear seeing my archive still stuck in June. Then, I thought of all the other times I visited in a new month, and the archive would be in the right month and not be showing anything... So I thought... "What if, by some bizarre, off chance, someone visited this blog and saw it was still stuck in June!?" Can't have that now, can we? Well, I pledge to you, my invisible, possible reader, as well as to myself, that I will make a more valuable post later on. This I promise you. Wasn't that a song? Know what song is going through my mind right now? The Pokemon theme song. That movie made me cry, yo.. for real. Hey, don't laugh at me... Pokemon is a tear jerker. The other day I got to thinking and realized that the first time a movie made me cry was when I was watching Harry Potter 4. Went to see it with my siblings in theaters. The graveyard scene where Cedric died and Harry was fighting Voldemort made me cry. Then, I cried some more when Harry came back and was crying over Cedric's dead body. Yep, that was my first movie-tear. All hell broke loose after that... It wasn't exactly a cry-fest for every movie... but if a movie was sad, or a show, or even just a book... I would be tearing :(


heh heh heh...