That which sets her free...

This was on my mind... that I am... I dunno what I am... I'm a human. Who's wondering why I'm writing this blog and why i started it the way I did. Well part of me this human that I am... feels like all of myself just... revolves... around my family... It's not a great feeling to be honest... This human that I am.. just wants some part of herself to be hers... just for her.. not to be shared with anyone so close and intimate with her... You know like a diary. But doesn't it seem like diaries always get read but someone one way or another whether you want them to read it or not? Well in this human's life it always did. What if there was a diary that was all yours, no one else having anything to do with it... or even knowing about it.. You couldm't keep a thing like that on paper... And yet you still want someone to read this diary. Someone that isn't remotely close to you. Am I making any sense here? I think not but still... That diary that I speak of is a blog.. yes, I have one, and to the best of my knowledge people close to me don't know about it, or have never seen it. I hope that is the case because there are some things that you just don't want to give to everyone. You don't want to share everything, you just want to be allowed to be a bit selfish for once. Like when I had a myspace... that was special for me because it was something that i didnt have to share, even if my dad still got onto his little thing and read every word I typed. It was alright for me because I wasn't doing anything I wasn't supposed to do. But what wasn't alright for me was when he would repeat stuff back to me like it was a conversation we'd had together. That disgusted me so much. There were no boundaries at all. No privacy. So after awhile I just deleted my account, causing me to lose contact with my old friends. But you, reading this, whoever you are, cannot say that it would not deeply disturb you either, can you? Am I tripping? I mean am I not even to be allowed the illusion of privacy??? I understand that parents have to do their thing, and make sure their child is safe and ALL of that. But that goes beyond just making sure your child is safe, especially when you have assurance and proof that your child won't do anything she isn't supposed to do. She's not the same as your other child, and you'd understand that...right? So what would be the point of just reading it everyday? Just to have something to do??? And then repeating it to your child like it is something your child confided to you about and wants to speak with you about. I understand that you'd want to be close to your child and have common ground, but don't do that. If it was something they wanted to share with you they would have shared it with you. You can't force them!! How about just having a normal conversation with a child about anything but whatever it was. To me it's just annoying and nosy. Not being able to have just one piece of yourself that belongs to only yourself...So basically... After getting off topic for so long... I guess what I wanted to say... and I hope this is understood, very well... that I have a blog. That blog is for people to read. Strangers. but not people close to me. To the best of my knowledge it has not been read by anyone close to me, and I would like to keep it that way. You don't understand what it's like to feel like you don't have anything that is just.. you... all you... all your space and privacy is non existent... And it's a cliche because every teenager feels that way. But it doesn't go as far with every teenager. Every teenager doesn't go through the crazy non stop monthly drama because of a crazy sister...and still not being able to have a piece of herself to herself. It's not even that. I understand that parents have the right to snoop. But snooping just to gain common ground? That really bugs me... If you want to gain common ground with your child why can you not just talk to your child personally, instead of finding out their true feelings through some program and bombarding them with personal questions as if they'd personally spoken to you about it. What would even be the point of the child having that thing where they could be themselves on?? I don't even know if i'm making any sense here... And I know I've long since strayed off topic...I just got interrupted by my brother while I was in the zone and now I've lost my train of thought. The worst thing about this is that the child... doesn't even feel that she can come to you and talk about how she's feeling... Feeling as though she won't be heard out. Being sure that she won't be heard out. That none of her feelings will be taken into account and it will end with her getting yelled at for even having those feelings. Being sure it will end that way because it always does when her feelings aren't the same as theres. Her's are always wrong. wrong wrong wrong. What person wants to feel like that? which is why she doesn't talk to the parents about her feelings...which is why she vents and even has a blog... Aahhh... That which sets her free... feels better afterwards... I've been feelin this stuff for a while.. woow.. I guess the point is.. this is obviously directed at my parents...so if you ever ever ever read this blog. I can't stop you from doing it but I can express my wish that you don't because it is mine, only mine and it would hurt badly to have something else taken from me...Not having anything to myself... why I choose to blog about this now I don't know... it is long since over due... and right now to the best of my knowledge, it isn't even relevant anymore.... sooo anyway I guess my point is that if you come across this blog and read it... Please know I don't want you to, not because I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do, I'm not... but because this is personal... And I really need a piece of myself to only belong to me...