Something... I guess =o

Kind of forgot why I was writing this post but I decided to do so anyhow... Well I thought it was going to be about how I'm feeling right now. But... I guess I'm just feelin' fine... Hence the change of headline on my forum site profile. For a short moment I wasn't feeling to great if you can believe that. And it was just stupid stuff. And I knew it was stupid stuff too. Made me think I was a nut for even worrying and thinking of this stupid stuff - but, hey.. I'm human. I make mistakes =/ We all do... Nobody's perfect... "To err is human; to forgive, infrequent". Says a man who's name is unfamiliar with me at the moment but probably will come back around in a sec, named Franklin Adams. Oh I just googled him. Pretty interesting fellow. Might have to look up some of his work later. Also need to go to the library D= ... stimulate my mind. Also need to find the book, from Babylon to Timbuktu that a friend told me to read, so I can get a bit more information about my history, and where I really come from. Discover a bit of who I really am. I think that's really what I need though... Help get rid of this lost and purposeless feeling. I feel comfortable saying this to complete strangers that I don't talk to and probably will never meet. That's so weird. I don't feel this comfortable talking to close family like this. Especially in my immediate household. And I feel a bit more comfortable talking about things on a larger scale with close friends. But then there is still this one part of me that won't even talk about things like this with friends, even. I only recently opened up a small bit and told a close friend of mine what I really felt like I wanted to do with my life and she was supportive =o! Surprised me a bit because to me it was just a pipe dream. One that I can barely make myself put to life. That's another thing that's been affecting how I've been feeling lately. I mean... The majority of it was superficial. Stuff that people usually tend to go through around my age anyway. And I thought I was just being crazy for worrying about these things. But I've realized that sometimes I have the tendency to separate myself from people my age which isn't really a good thing at all. Yes I still consider myself a child, I am not grown nor am I even close to it. But... even still I find myself seeing them in a different group... And when I try to figure out what group I am in... It's just me standing here by myself. So yeah that kinda sucks. Stuff like that's just been driving me mad, but it's whatever ya know. Stuff other folks go through day to day, I'm no different. But then what's also been bugging me is my future. I still can't see where I am headed...and I can't hang on to a pipe dream, especially when I can't find a way to put it to life. Oh yeah that was also bugging me, not being able to put this dream to life. It's really important to me, but I just don't feel like I'm trying my hardest. And I don't know how. But no one can help me. And no one I know will understand... or even say anything that will help me. And the few I have tried talking to... don't have much to say. So I'm stuck. Impasse... I guess. Got to figure out how to get myself where I need to go. But basically right now... I'm good man... It's like... I don't even care anymore. I'm feelin fine and the bull ain't buggin me. That's it...