Congrats to me!

Yesterday was my 200th post.

Ahh... I can't say it now in person because of the turn it's all taken. each time it gets a bit deeper. It sucks. Why's this going on, I wonder. What am I supposed to take and learn from it? Why does he have to feel like it's it for me?! Grrr that stinks.

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I haven't lost yet, but even if I do at some point, you've given me so much that I've won anyway. Added something special to my life... Vitality. Gave me a new sense of me, purpose... stronger relationship with God... helped stop me from wanting to off myself... i eventually stopped planning it. *I'm a runner.*(changing that too) I discovered myself and that I wasn't my mistakes...you know... all of that good stuff. Learned to finally love myself. Just... everything... I eventually began to live. Reborn, I guess. All credit doesn't go to you of course, but you had a large helping hand for which I am ever grateful and in your debt. forshizzle.

Even before I knew of the shared feelings, every night I thanked God for having you in my life, still do - that's the part it didn't feel right to say at the moment because of the situation...YEahhh Pray for you all the time... you're a blessing. Although you restored my life... my life doesn't have to go back to being an empty shell if we end. You gave me that too, the realization. I found myself and share it with you, but it belongs to me.

Still learning, still growing, changing...discovering more and more... but I'm glad I'm doing it with you in my life... On my own, I was going no where. I forgot how to let go and let God, and you showed me... God through you. He works in mysterious and wonderful ways... So maybe, if it doesn't work out... this isn't it for me.